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https://freedium.cfd/https://medium.com/prismnpen/argument-with-a-childhood-friend-gender-blindness-trans-repression-c9560929c1f3>
'"I don't see gender. Man, woman, I don't think about it, I imagine most don't
either. Everybody's the same, just people to me."
These were the words delivered to me by a friend I had decided to, yet again,
approach about his thoughts on my transitioning. It was a conversation I deemed
necessary, courtesy of a single eventful night that weighed and bothered.
I was worried he lacked perspective on my decision to transition. And to be
clear, I wasn't exactly asking for a level eye-to-eye here.
It's irrational for any person to expect total understanding from others on
their unique lived experiences. I don't think it unreasonable to ask for a
baseline respect and acknowledgment of my wanting to be perceived and treated a
certain way.
As a straight, cisgender man, he remains decidedly disconnected from how a
queer trans woman might go through life. This was and remains no issue — I
could never begrudge someone for finding comfort in their identity.
I refuse to be a hypocrite; to my mind, there are few things socially worse.
Keeping this in mind, two issues were causing me frustration. Issues I couldn't
leave unaddressed if I'm to attend his wedding.
One: I was stifled in my ability to talk with him about anything and everything
surrounding my transition. Now, I'm not talking about the nitty-gritty.
Transitioning is equivalent to an avalanche blanketing your identity.
Like it or not, it's going to take a lot of time to shovel myself out and help
the new me break through the thicket of snow. Until then, my being trans is a
spider web, its sticky tendrils tangling up all aspects of my life.
Even once I've dug out the avalanche, much like the perpetual guiding hand of
my neurodiversity, I can never wholly ignore my transness.
Consequently, it makes talking to him mighty hard when nearly everything
intersects with my transition, ranging from job issues, relationship troubles,
to everyday little things. Especially since I'm in the relatively early stages
of transitioning, my identity comes up in one way or another in any
semi-serious conversation about life.
The second issue, however, was the sharper pebble in my shoe. In many ways, he
still treats me like one of the boys. Ironically, given my coming out and
opening up, I feel more like a man in his eyes than ever before.
A frustrating dismissal of my identity, intentional or not.
When I voiced my problem, his response of not seeing gender was also not an
unexpected one. It boiled my blood, but I struggled to entirely fault him.'
Cheers,
*** Xanni ***
--
mailto:xanni@xanadu.net Andrew Pam
http://xanadu.com.au/ Chief Scientist, Xanadu
https://glasswings.com.au/ Partner, Glass Wings
https://sericyb.com.au/ Manager, Serious Cybernetics
