https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-problem-with-sarcasm-0815185
"I was surprised recently by a discussion among members of a group of
therapists describing how they use sarcasm in their personal lives with their
children and their spouses. I had assumed they would understand why that’s
probably not a good idea. Why? Because sarcasm isn’t humor. It’s hostility. And
it makes people feel bad.
It may be challenging to accept this, especially if your response to my
statement that sarcasm is not humor raised your hackles. Some even believe that
sarcasm is a sign of high intelligence. Well, no. Well-developed wit is a sign
of high intelligence. Wit is insightful, showing us the world in a slightly new
way. Great wit is a high art.
Sarcasm, on the other hand, derives from Greek words that mean “tearing of the
flesh.” Sarcasm is hostility disguised as humor. That’s why when someone says
something sarcastic to you, you don’t feel good. Sarcasm is unsettling. If you
challenge it, the person can say, “What? I was just kidding!” But it doesn’t
feel like kidding. It feels like veiled criticism. Because that’s exactly what
it is, regardless of its superficial deniability.
For some individuals who identify as highly sensitive persons (see the work of
Elaine Aron to understand what this means), sarcasm is particularly biting. But
most people respond negatively to it, whether they show it or not. Think about
the last time someone made a sarcastic remark directed specifically at you.
Maybe they made a comment about your “ballet shoes” if you were wearing hiking
boots. Maybe they cut closer with something like, “Take all the time you need.
The rest of the world can wait.” Did you appreciate it? Did it help you?
We hear the term passive-aggressive often to describe someone whose orientation
is sarcastic. It means that on the surface, the person’s words and actions are
neutral, but that underneath them lies a second layer of meaning which is
aggressive. It doesn’t mean wavering between the two; it means both at once.
Sarcasm is passive-aggressive speech.
Sarcasm directed at an individual is also an indicator that someone doesn’t
have the courage to come right out and say whatever is bothering them. Or they
lack the fortitude to realize it’s really none of their business what others
choose to do, regardless of how “annoying” they may find someone’s particular
actions or comments or even lifestyle.
If you are dealing with someone who is predictably sarcastic, remember that
sarcasm becomes a habit. As such, over time it can seem untethered to the
underlying psychological framework that produces it. As a result, a sarcastic
person is likely to refute any suggestion from you that sarcasm might be
hostile and cowardly. So what can you do?"
Via Muse.
Cheers,
*** Xanni ***
--
mailto:xanni@xanadu.net Andrew Pam
http://xanadu.com.au/ Chief Scientist, Xanadu
https://glasswings.com.au/ Partner, Glass Wings
https://sericyb.com.au/ Manager, Serious Cybernetics
