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https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-can-marriage-be-feminist-a-hopeless-romantic-says-no-but-a-same-sex-newlywed-says-yes-213887>
"Early in my career as a gender studies scholar, I was asked to give some
“expert” commentary on whether it was possible to have a “feminist” wedding.
Without any specific research or personal expertise – never a real barrier in
dial-a-quote land – I insisted of course it was possible. I provided a handy
list of ways a feminist bride could subvert the dominant wedding paradigm.
Since then, I have been contacted by the media to discuss marriage more than
any other topic. This is not surprising: marriage is one of those perennial
hot-button topics and guaranteed click bait.
However, apart from sharing my thoughts on my ambivalent love of the reality
television show
Married at First Sight, I’ve mostly declined these requests.
I just don’t have anything new or interesting to say about marriage – including
as a feminist.
I’ve never been married, nor particularly wanted to, apart from some idle
daydreaming in the early days of new romance. Even then, the fantasy usually
involves eloping. Nor, as the eldest daughter of first-generation European
migrants, have I ever been pressured to marry.
My parents tied the knot in a registry office, stopping by a photography studio
on the way home, to mark the occasion with a serious photograph in which
neither smiled. We were too poor to attend the lavish weddings of friends and
relatives in the Balkan community, where nothing less than a brand-new white
good was acceptable as a gift.
Among my cohort of Generation X friends, hardly anyone got married – unless it
was to help secure a visa for international study and travel. The few weddings
I attended in my twenties (what should have been my peak period) were usually
conducted in a spirit of semi-irony. (It was the 1990s.)
This is not to say my friends were averse to “settling down”. Most of them have
had long relationships – some of them very happy ones – with children and
houses and shared assets, the whole shebang.
Since marriage equality was achieved in Australia, I’ve had the great pleasure
to attend several queer weddings, each one uniquely delightful and moving.
There is perhaps no more generative place to discuss marriage as a social
institution than at the wedding reception for two people who grew up believing
they would never have access to legal marriage."
Cheers,
*** Xanni ***
--
mailto:xanni@xanadu.net Andrew Pam
http://xanadu.com.au/ Chief Scientist, Xanadu
https://glasswings.com.au/ Partner, Glass Wings
https://sericyb.com.au/ Manager, Serious Cybernetics
