The Joke Assortment with Summer Supreme Swirls

by Katherine Phelps
Copyright © 28 February 1995

Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?

Here are the winners of our contest:

The Dinosaurs became extinct because the Government was reluctant to fund a project proposed by a university professor, Dr Astrosaurus. Dr Astrosaurus had predicted that a collection of nine comets named Jurassic-9 was on a collision course with earth and that the only way to save the Dinorace was to deploy an array of nuclear missiles to intercept Jurassic-9. The Government laughed it off (in the House of Commons). The rest is history.

Suman Kumar Manandhar
Bangkok, Thailand

Barney evolved, so they all committed suicide.

Matthew Alfred Cleveland
Mova Scotia, Canada

When McDonald's found it was bad publicity to destroy Brazilian rainforests in order to raise cheap hamburger material, they created a time machine through which dinosaurs could be harvested for meat. This new time machine has already been installed next to the cold storage units in most McDonald's franchises. The head of Public Relations at McDonald's was heard to cheerily say, "Better the dinosaurs go extinct than us!"

All winners of this contest received lots of fame and a postcard of Australia.

Maxim's of Paris were consulting with the combined US/Russia moonbase project in order to establish the first restaurant in space. Maxim's is known to be one of the classiest restaurants in the world catering to the most discriminating and exotic palattes. They were hoping to become one of the classiest restaurants in the solar system, if not the universe, as well. The planning had gotten to an advanced stage when Maxim's backed out. When asked why they replied, "There would simply be no atmosphere."

More Silly Words

A sloven. (You certainly couldn't be a slubberdegullion in order to take the effort to say it)

Shaped like a herring. (Next time I see a UFO, to heck with describing it as shaped like a cigar)

Pointing in every direction. (This word could well come into common usage given most people's WWW home pages)

Having a goaty smell. (Eeeeuh!)

The delusion that one is a cat. (These are the sorts that get hired to do soaps)

The sensation of earwigs crawling over the skin. (Eeeeuh!)

Robin: Have you heard of the new men's perfume?
Bobbin: Clone Cologne, you smell like yourself.

Robin: What is a zebra?
Bobbin: 26 sizes larger than "A" bra.

Robin: What are you doing?
Bobbin: Mildewing before I rust.

Robin: Gee, it's hot out.
Bobbin: Well, you know what they say, "Chilli today, hot tamale."

New Contest!

With the popularisation of the Internet words are being coined right, left and centre. If I hear "cyber" attached to one more word, I will have to go cyber-huey on the Infobahn. Send in your coined words or ones that you have seen with their definitions and if they are sufficiently horrible and amusing, you can win great fame and a postcard of Australia or a zoo animal.

Send your entry with the address of where you want your postcard sent to: muse@glasswings.com.au